In this episode, Date Camp Program Director Joanna Kennedy helps Maggie determine who should lead when pursuing online dating relationships.

Chris Natzke, Self-Confidence and Strength Coach

    Let’s face it, relationships make the world go around.

    Each day we are affected by the relationships we have created in our lives.  These are relationships with family, friends, co-workers, bosses, children and significant others.  Although we can perceive the “having” of quality relationships with others as the most important aspect of our lives, I would argue that the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves.

    In my work with clients who are seeking romantic relationships, I always ask “What are the qualities you’re seeking in a partner?”  The answer to this question usually has my clients wanting someone in their lives who will be loving, patient, generous, light hearted and adventurous.

    As we continue our discussion, I find that many times they are searching for these qualities in a partner not because they see them as a reflection of what is already inside of themselves but because they are looking for someone else to “complete” them.  They believe the only way to feel more whole, happy and complete is by having another person in their life provide this for them.

    We live in world where “like attracts like.”  Have you ever noticed that when you are at your most frazzled and anxious that you continue to attract instances in your life that give you the opportunity to choose between demonstrating patience or impatience?  The crazy guy in traffic, the slow moving cashier at the grocery store, the crying child all provide us instances that test our patience.  If only those people or circumstances would change, you would feel so much better.  I’m here to tell you, the only way those instances will change in your life is if you change yourself first, by choosing to be more patient, regardless of the circumstances that appear in your life.

    The same goes for dating and finding the relationship of your dreams.  If you want to attract someone who is loving, kind and giving toward you, you first need to be that way to yourself!   Trust me, it’s like a magnet, if you begin to truly embrace those qualities within yourself, not only will you recognize your wholeness and completeness, just the way you are, but you will begin to share those qualities with the world around you, and, in return, attract the kind of person who resonates with that same energy.

    Relationships are an “inside job.”  That doesn’t mean you don’t take actions like dating, taking care of your physical appearance and making yourself available for a relationship.  What it means is that you come from that way of being inside yourself to attract what you want in a romantic partnership.  Trust me, it works!  And if it doesn’t, at least you’ll be in love with the person you’ll be living with for the rest of your life, regardless of the circumstances – YOU.

Chris Natzke is a 7th Degree Black Belt/Master Instructor as well as a U.S. National Champion (1999).  He teaches leadership and self protection seminars. Contact Chris at chris@chrisnatzke.com.

The Importance of Honesty

    Q:  “I discovered someone I met on an Internet dating service lied on his profile, and we have another date scheduled.  Should I still go out with him?  Should I call him on the lie?”

    A:  Why would you even think about going out with a guy after finding out he’s a liar?  People tell us all the time who they are, and many of us choose to not listen.  Women are especially apt to do this because they feel that they can change a man.  But girls, you can’t change a person’s dishonest character any more than you can change the diamonds on a rattlesnake.

    If you’re still considering dating this guy, ask yourself why you feel so unworthy that you’ve got to date him or no one.  Is he really the best you can do?

    So what if he’s a hottie.  There are lots of con artists in the world and they come in all sizes, shapes and pretty colors.  Do you really want one of them in your life?

    If a man lies to you in the beginning and you don’t call him on it, then you’re giving him permission to lie to you at every opportunity, and that’s a dangerous and disturbing precedent to base a relationship on.

    If honesty is important to you, I wouldn’t even take time to negotiate.  I would kick him to the curb with a smile on my face and move on.  You deserve so much more!

Nancy Pederson, Dating and Life Coach

    Nancy is a Doctor of Chiropractic and consultant in nutrition, wellness and anti-aging technologies.  In terms of dating savvy, Nancy is the dean of dating with an answer for everything.  She can be reached at AskNancyDateCamp@hotmail.com.

Danae Shanti, Mind/Body/Spirit Coach

    Let’s face it, there’s a lot to sort through.  We are multifaceted people with depth, dimension and a whole range of personalities, styles and preferences.  The more successful dates happen when we know who we are and what we want.  Think of this is a screening process.

    It’s empowering to know who we are and what we want.  This clarity creates confidence and direction, and that in itself is a gift to us and to prospective dates.

    Let’s take Susan for example.  Susan knew she was ready for the “real deal.”  Her goal was to meet a man who could match her passion for the arts, share in her world travel adventures and engage in sophisticated, gala events.

    Susan knew she valued spiritual ideals as well as family.  She also knew that having children wouldn’t be on her agenda for another 7 years.   Her past experiences with men who were “nesting” types helped her learn that her direction didn’t match the men of that lifestyle.

    When Susan received a “high-level match” from the dating service she was very excited.  She first noticed how attractive Ben was.  She liked his communication style and his sense of humor.  His age and geographical location all met her qualifications.  He was sweet, smooth and debonair.  He also had traveled the world and followed a spiritual path.

    With great anticipation, Susan read more about Ben, and learned that he was an organic gardener and beekeeper.  His roots and stability were important to him, and he had had his fill of world travel.  Ben wanted to start a family within a couple of years, stay home and share his cozy lifestyle with his beloved.

    Susan felt that old familiar feeling of wanting to contact Ben “just in case” it would be different in person than what she’d read.  She noticed that inclination and asked herself an important question, “Do I want to try and change this person to meet my agenda, or do I trust in myself that I know what I want and where I’m heading and let this match go?”

    Over the past five years, Susan had learned to truly value herself.  She had become clear on who she was and what she wanted, and these things for her were non-negotiable.  Her clarity about staying with her plan outweighed her propensity for romanticizing this potential connection.  By making this choice she honored herself and didn’t waste Ben’s time.  She let the match go and moved on.

    Any of us could be in Susan’s shoes.  Sometimes the wish for love and partnership can pull us off of our trajectory.  The difficulty with getting distracted is that the core things we value will surface after a time, they always do.

    By being clear about what matters most to her, Susan is sure to meet a man who aligns with her energy naturally, and, overall, this will be great for both parties involved. 

    Before entering the dating realm it’s good for us to complete a personal inquiry. Susan stayed true to herself and so can we. The following eight questions are guideposts and may inspire a deeper inquiry to help us get to know who we are and what we want relative to ourselves and dating: 

    1)    What am I most passionate about and committed to?

    2)   What are my spiritual or religious beliefs and do I need someone to share these beliefs?

    3)    Do I believe in myself and trust myself in guiding my own life?

    4)    Am I flexible in my thinking or committed to an agenda already in place for my life?

    5)    Have I completed on past relationships or is there more closure work to do?

    6)    What are my emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual and overall lifestyle needs?

    7)    Do I want children in my life, and, if so, how and when?

    8)    Do I want to be with someone similar to me or different?

    Many of us have to learn to take stock in ourselves, it doesn’t necessarily come automatically.  We all have inner critics as well as inner champions, and these impact they way we perceive ourselves and influence whether or not we feel loveable and valuable.

    Getting to know ourselves intimately is a primer for getting to know another person.  If we come to a connection as self-resourced adults then there is less attachment to trying to get our needs met through someone else.  There is also more enjoyment in receiving someone for whom they truly are without our hidden agendas for them.

    Dating is an adventure with many flavors to it.  If we are open to it, we can feel ourselves in relationship to another soul, and sense whether a connection has true potential or not.

    When we are self-resourced, we have the space to do a screening process before agreeing to meet with someone.  If we still feel a desire to meet them, then we have the capacity to really receive them in who they are because we’re not hoping to be “completed” by them.  Instead, we’re focused on the amazing fullness that can happen when two people who know who they are and what they want come together.

    When the path is clear and expectations are reasonable, each person can enjoy the dating experience for the gifts that it brings, just the way it is.

Danae Shanti is a conscious intuitive coach and founder of Breathing Life Events, a program that uses breath for personal and professional breakthroughs.  Contact Danae at danae@TheBreathingLife.com.

Let’s Get Physical

    Make sure your first date with someone special relaxes their nerves and helps tear down the walls that people shield themselves with.  Physical activities are great for accomplishing these goals.

    Whether your date involves tubing down a creek, riding roller coasters at an amusement park, roller skating or rapelling down a rock, choose a fun and slightly physically challenging activity – something that causes your partner to reach out to you for support now and then and helps him/her develop a comfort zone by touching you in a way that physically bonds and paves the way for gentle touch later on.